“Looking back, I’m glad I was found out”

“I only found out this year that I have a shopping addiction. In fact I started spending more than I could afford over twenty years ago. At the time I was in a relationship with a drug addict. I was naive enough to let myself be persuaded to finance his drug habit. And when my own money wasn’t enough, I found other ways to get more. The relationship later broke up, but it taught me that it’s easy to spend more money than you actually have. And I went on to apply this lesson by buying clothes. If I saw something I liked, I had to have it.

I got into a number of unpleasant situations because of my addiction to consumerism. I had to appear before a court and spend several years paying off my debts. But I always gave those around me the impression of having everything under control. Somehow I always found a way, though it got harder and harder. At the end, the feeling of happiness that the new clothes gave me didn’t even last as long as it took to get out of the shop. My guilty conscience popped up before I’d even left the building.

A year ago, when my significant other found out that I had misused our joint credit card, my house of lies fell apart once and for all. It wasn’t until then that I was willing to take a serious look at my excessive shopping behaviour. My eyes were really opened during therapy. The penny dropped when I learned that addiction resides in the brain stem, a part of the brain that acts faster than light. And that the cortex, the rational part of the brain, needs to be given love and attention so that it can keep a lid on the addiction.

Looking back, I’m glad I was found out. I feel a great sense of relief at no longer having to hide behind secrets and lies. I now recognise my shopping addiction as a disease for which I can get help. I’m very grateful to my partner for holding me accountable and sticking with me.

I still get the urge to shop, but it’s by no means as strong. I’ve also learned to listen to myself more. I’m now able to sense my feelings more accurately and am more likely to recognise the times when I can risk walking past clothes shops and coming face to face with the objects of my desire. I think that this disease will be with me until the end of my days, but I’m now in the process of learning to deal with it. If all goes well, this will ensure that my shopping addiction will no longer be my downfall.”